Paraphrasing
Paraphrasing is a listening skill that helps you demonstrate understanding of a message. Utilizing paraphrasing in everyday conversation can greatly help prevent miscommunications with others. We already do this on a day to day basis.
For this lesson, we are going to go a bit deeper, and discuss 3 types of paraphrases – Content, Intent, and Tone. Each one is equally important. But first, let’s discuss what is meant by “owned language” and “perception checking questions” in terms of paraphrasing.
Owned Language and Perception Checking Questions
When we used “I” instead of “you” we used “owned” language, meaning we take responsibility or “own” for our interpretation In other words, we place the burden of understanding on ourselves. When we use owned language in a paraphrase, we are demonstrating that is OUR OWN understanding of a message, instead of telling the person “this is what you said.” An example related to listening may be saying “I’m having trouble hearing you” in place of “you are talking too quiet.” Note the use of “you” in the second message sound accusatory and may cause the person to become defensive. When we paraphrase, we are attempting to check our understanding of what another person is saying. If we use “you” instead of “I” the climate of the interaction may become defensive instead of positive or supportive.
Examples of Owned Language:
- “If I understand you correctly…”
- “I’m hearing that…”
- “It’s my understanding that…”
- “If I’m hearing you correctly…”
- “It sounds to me like…”
Perception Checking Questions
Perception checking questions check the understanding of a message. They generally come at the end of a paraphrase.
Examples of Perception Checking Questions:
- “Am I right?”
- “Is that correct?”
- “Did I understand that correctly?”
Paraphrasing for Content
When we paraphrase for content, we restate WHAT the person said…we take their words and put them into our own words. Try to just focus on the what – when thinking about content we aren’t trying to read into the message or emotions (those come later). Here is an example:
Person A: I’m working late tonight. I need the lawn mowed, the dishes done, and the living room vacuumed before our guests arrive.
Person B: Ok, so if I heard you correctly, I need to mow, finish the dishes, and vacuum. Is that right?
Note the use of owned language (“So if I heard you correctly”) and a perception checking question (“Is that right?”)
But, is paraphrasing for content enough? Consider the following State Farm commercial:
The same words are used, but have a very different meaning depending on the situation. Paraphrasing for content would miss the deeper meanings here. This is why, arguably, paraphrasing for intent and tone are just as, if not more important than paraphrasing for tone.